oh you so full of self-pride.
if you only knew who you really were.
if you only knew who can see through you.
you would act a little differently.

oh you so full of envy.
if you only knew the full story.
if you only knew who can't stand you.
you would think much differently.

oh you who has so many lessons to be learned.
if you only knew that the world is your oyster,
but if you only knew that the oyster must be shared.
you would be so humbled.

oh you must come down off your cloud.
oh you must drop your high.
oh you must stop and think.

what have you become?

life: october 4th-november 1st

the academy is...: october 4th


boys like girls: october 12th
coming soon...

new found glory: october 13th


fall out boy: october 28th
patrick

pete


powerspace: november 1st

i feel jipped...

i just do.

and i'm scared.
i don't get truly scared too often,
but i am this time.
its a situation that can have an affect on other people-not just me.
it was only in good fun, to be honest.
but i am probably just worrying myself.

other than my worries right now,
life has been pretty good to me.
there hasn't been too much to complain about.
i am happy to be alive.
its a good day.

not so diva anymore?

"say a prayer,
but let the good times roll
incase god doesn't show." -pete wentz

"im scared.
but only of god and a witness stand.
im not sure how much longer i want to do this if it doesnt mean anything." -pete wentz

what is this?
what is going on?
i interpreted the first one so easily because it is what i do so many times;
i pray to god, i believe, but then i just go back to doing whatever shite i was doing because what if god isn't there in the end?
and i don't really do that,
but so many people in our culture do.
its crazy.

the second one blows my mind.
i wrote him a letter asking to get inside his head,
and i think i just did.
i don't know if he read the letter or not (i will give him the benefit of the doubt),
but i think by some supernatural force,
i saw his thoughts if only for a second.
and they are not what i expected at all.

i'm not a fan girl.
or maybe i am.
all i know is that those two phrases that he has said completely warped my thoughts of him.

amen.

the family table.

its a lie.
most of nick@night is lies.
the reruns aren't real shows anymore.
so why believe the cheesy commericals either?

i feel horrible.
mentally and physically.
i just found out that i might have to get surgery.
doesn't sound too intriguing, does it?

i also feel like shite because i have lied.
i didn't technically lie to anyone, but to myself.
i have really disappointed myself and i have the worst guilt over it.
i just wish i could take what i did back.
and it wasn't necessarily bad if you look at it from a wordly view.
its not unacceptable or anything.
i just went back on a personal moral decision and it is making me feel like crap.

let's just say it was a learning experience,
and call it even.

"so make the best of this test and don't ask why.
its not a question, but a lesson learned in time."

i think those particular lyrics can make any situation seem okay.
thank you god.

sick. now literally.

i feel so sick to my stomach right now.
like its not even funny.
ahh!
this is horrible.

sickk.

remix of "Queen & I" by Gym Class Heroes.
so good. really.

i just found out that i'm getting a canon for christmas.
super stoked.

i'm going to too many concerts soon.
-cartel on the 12th.
-playradioplay!/meg&dia on the 18th.
-jonas brothers (yes, lame i know. but i want to be in HOB as much as possible) on the 30th.
-the secret handshake/amber pacific on the 2nd.
-boys like girls/good charlotte on the 4th.

blg/gc is exactly a year since the first time i saw fall out boy live.
so amazing.
i miss those days.

current obsessions:

garden of evil - 1997
jersey - mayday parade
here i stand - madina lake
fall back into my life - amber pacific
toasted skin - the academy is...
been caught stealin' - jane's addiction
four kicks - kings of leon
shake it - metro station
save - the rocket summer
the church channel - say anything
back in your head - tegan & sara
my beautiful rescue - this providence

some old songs.
some new songs.
some never get old.
could listen to for hours on end right now.

oh, lovefool by the cardigns won't stop repeating in my head.

my birthday week(december 30-january 6): chicago.

here are my plans:
Union Station (duh. have to get from the train somehow)
Saints vs. Bears - Soldier Field
W Hotel Lakeshore
Pick Me Up Cafe
the beach (its going to be so cold, but i don't care. there are jackets for a reason)
Michigan Ave.
Navy Pier
Shedd Aquarium
Millennium Park
Sears Tower
Clandestine store
The Alley
The A&R
Wrigley Field
museums!

have any other suggestions?

i really don't have much to say.

writing on here fufills me.
it gives me hope that maybe someone is reading it and cares what comes out of my mind.
i honestly don't think that anyone around here does.
lately, i have been consumed by people freaking out about my fall out boy encounter.
whether it be negative or positive, i think my (rather non-existant) ego enjoys it.

person: "did you really go to a haunted house with fall out boy?!"
me: "yeah."
person: "was pete wentz there??!?!!"
me: "mhmm. they all were except patrick because he was sick."
person: option one:"oh my god! you are soooooo lucky!!!"
option two:"pete wentz is such a diva. i hate fall out boy."

ok, honestly who cares what you think?
love 'em, hate 'em, its not going to change how i feel about them.
if you want to give you opinion to me, make sure its positive.

i have no idea why i am writing on here about this.
i guess its because it is late and i have nothing better to do.
i wish....
so many things.

the gap effect.